Labels

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Argus Opinion Piece

I wrote an editorial for the Argus this week. Just in case it doesn't get accepted, I've decided to post it here on my blog.

----



Do We Really Need a Play-By-Play?

While I understand that the growth and development of the new classroom building is exciting for everyone in the Illinois Wesleyan (IWU) community, do we really need a webcam play-by-play?

As if watching the construction in person wasn’t exciting enough, visitors to the IWU main page can click on a link which allows viewers to “watch minute-by-minute progress on construction of the new main classroom building.”

The webpage also says: “When workers are active between 7 a.m.-6 p.m., the webcam picture will update every minute.” Meaning, the webcam only offers live updates when the construction crews are in action. When they’re not busy at work, however, the image remains frozen.

I’m forced to wonder: Who is the university’s target audience? The obvious answer is alumni and students no longer on campus. I say this because those who are on campus are forced to endure the inconvenient and disruptive presence of the construction site.

Now, I doubt this is costing the university much in terms of funding, but I suspect it has deducted some common cents from the administration’s account. Who has time to sit and watch the construction equipment inch across the page every minute or, better yet, watch the poor employee walk from the crane to the porta potty and back?

The minute by minute updates might have been a good idea at first but, the university would be better off investing in quality photographs documenting the development of the new building.

The only time video should be used is during monumental moments such as the signing of the final pillar (which occurred this past summer). If alumni are especially invested in the development of the building, then a weekly photo update should suffice.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

What Does Love Mean?


What Does Love Mean?

When someone loves you, 
the way they say your name is different. 
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, 
then he wears it everyday.

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy 
and she takes a sip before giving it to him, 
to make sure the taste is OK.

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas 
if you stop opening presents and listen.

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy 
smelly and sweaty and still says 
he is handsomer than Robert Redford.

When you love somebody, 
your eyelashes go up and down 
and little stars come out of you.

You really shouldn't say 'I love you' 
unless you mean it. But if you mean it, 
you should say it a lot. 

People forget.


-----

Original Post: http://tinyurl.com/9hpddue

I know I love you because... (Bonus Poem)

Original Post

I know I love you because

I want to get you soup when you’re sick.
Not only do I want to get it for you,
I want to make it for you
so you can eat something made with love
 instead of with crushed insects and preservatives.

I worry about the stuff only 
people who love you worry about,
like the amount of quality sleep you get a night
and how much you drink when you’re sad
and whether you’re getting enough vitamin B
I worry probably more than your mom does

I think you’re beautiful 
and I don’t mean good-looking,
I mean beautiful. Beautiful like
 there’s something pervasive and magnetic  
about you that comes through
even when you look positively bad.
even when you’re wearing Crocs

and that’s no small accomplishment.

I want to listen, I really do.
I don’t have anywhere to be
and I’m not checking my phone,
 in fact turned it off and buried it
in the cushions the moment you said
you needed me. I’m here for you
and that other thing can wait.

I want you to be happy – no more than that
I want you to express yourself and be fulfilled
and feel like you’re living life for a good reason,
not just passing the time. I want everything
to work out for you the way it should
and I want to be there for it,
occasionally with champagne.

That’s how I know I love you, and I hope you know it too.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

#WeCantBeFriendsIf


#WeCantBeFriendsIf

You use internet explorer
You suck at beer pong
You like being pale
You don't shave your eyebrows
You eat my cheesy bread
You set my house on fire
You're a racist werewolf
You turn me away from Allah
You don't think glitter is a color
You don't wear pink on Wednesdays
You have a contract to steal my kin
You don't drink gasoline
You didn't give me that v card
You and your uncle share boxer shorts
You are easily defeated by the smile of a woman
You threaten to call the police every time I untie you
You're serious about this hash-tag.

Insomnia (Bonus Poem)

Insomnia

While waiting for the NyQuil to kick in I
stare into space
doodle a Pikachu
count the colors in the carpet
munch on ice cubes
scratch my scalp raw
fold love letters
spill water on my lap
do nothing
discover a dimple on my thigh
plan an elaborate exercise regiment
roll into a blanket burrito
count dragons
question the purpose of pillow pets
plot the murder of said pillow pets
write a poem with a friend via text

Monday, September 3, 2012

It's More Bueno


It's more Bueno

This is the place relationships begin
If you've ever been afraid
It definitely changed my lifestyle
And that makes a difference in my breathing
That's not complicated
Hurry in in before they're all gone
Now with added whitening
Delicious, right?
100% mmmmmmm
Four exclusive collections for you to fall for
Which means all day comfort
Absolutely free, no appointment necessary
Call now and get two for the price of one
While you still can...

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Said No One Ever


Said No One Ever

Those socks would look better with sandals
I haven't heard Call Me Maybe in a while
The DMV is my favorite place 
Nicki Minaj is a great role model
Duck faces are super attractive
The Kidzbop version was better
No thank you, I don't like Thin Mints
Put your clothes back on Channing Tatum!
I prefer the taste of diet soda
The Office is funnier without Steve Carell
People don't say YOLO enough
Jar Jar is the best Star Wars character
Snooki will be a great mother
Can I borrow your Nickleback CD?
Wow! That's a nice pair of Crocs
You're beautiful, I think I love you.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Beatles Cento


For my first installment I present a cento - a collage poem. This poem was created by using (and tweaking) lyrics from songs by the Beatles. Enjoy


Beatles Cento

Many times I’ve been alone and many times I’ve cried
there’s a shadow hanging over me but in my hour
of darkness, I saw her standing there, standing
right in front of me and all my troubles seemed
so far away; it feels like years since it’s been clear.

Somewhere in her smile she knows – she’s not a girl
who misses much; a girl with kaleidoscope eyes
wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door.
She’s the kind of girl you want so much it makes
you sorry but before too long, I fell in love with her.
It’s a love that lasts forever! It’s a love that has no past!

Words start flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
where do they all come from? “Ooh I need your love babe!
Please believe me I’ll always be true and I don’t need
no other lover. Keep all my love forever ‘cause I’ll never
do you  no harm. Life is very short and there’s no time
so I hope you see that I would love to love you. Now close
your eyes and I’ll kiss you.” 

No reply.